The Quales

October has been a busy month. Miles and CQ were in Japan visiting Ojiichama for his 100th birthday . There was huge celebration for him, with the City of Richmond, CA joining in the festivities since it was also the 50th anniversary of the Shimada Richmond sister relationship, which he helped start. Then, there was a three day Obi Festival, held only every three years. It is the celebration and reeanctment of the days when the Samurais would travel on foot to Old Tokyo. This is one of the bigger festivals in all of Japan. Most of the community join in the festivities. We missed them a lot although Teo, Niko and I kept busy visiting museums and parks. We’re glad everyone is back together now.

We are still coping with our miscarriage and are thankful for the emotional support we have received friends and family.

October is full of birthdays: Kelsey’s, Jaden’s, Kai’s, Ampa’s, Ethan’s, Dea’s, and also of anniversaries (our 9th!, and Virna and Roel’s). So every week we usually have a party to attend.

We have also been preparing for Halloween and Dia de los Muertos. For homeschooling studies, Miles is learning about the Aztecs, their culture and how they celebrated Dia de Los Muertos. It has also been fascinating to learn about their sun calendar. The boys helped me make a Day of the Dead banner and we baked skulls and strung them into necklaces. We will make an offrenda today, by coloring and drawing pictures of people and animals who are not with us any longer. On friday, we will make a Dia de Los Muertos bread, shaped into a skeleton. While the name of the holiday and the skulls make it sound scary, Dia de los Muertos is actually a happy celebration, when spirits come back to visit and and eat with us and be merry. Halloween, on the other hand, brings out the spooky creatures and is meant to be scary. Matteo and Miles will be Samurais for Halloween. Miles brought home from Japan some Hapi coats, which were used for the Obi festival. I found a hilarious Samurai wig for Teo to wear. Niko will be a bee.

Miles is now doing subtraction and double digit adding and subtraction as well as word problems. He really enjoys math so it’s never a chore. What is somewhat surprising is his reading. While he learned how to read fairly easily without my coaxing, he didn’t seem to have an interest in reading a book. But a few months ago, something clicked and now he can’t get enough. He is reading at a pretty advanced level and just seems to read words intuitively. Just today, he read the first four chapters of White Fang. I’m so excited to introduce him to many of the books I loved growing up!

Matteo surprises us when he does some addition or subtraction of his own. He has not shown as much early interest in math as Miles did at his age, but Teo is organically processing things on his own and then just surprises us with his newfound knowledge. He internalizes a lot of what he learns and then just blurts it out. Meanwhile, Niko is fast turning into a little boy. All if his sentences are commands, such as “TeTe (Teo)! Come!” Or “Mama! Eat!” (as in “I’m hungry”). He is even learning a bit of judo, keeping his head up and slapping the ground with his hands when he falls down on his back. When I give a 1-2-3 warning to the boys, he will say after I count “1″, “twwooooo”, which of course makes us all laugh.

As Thanksgiving is fast approaching, I am mindful of all that we have and for which we are blessed. We made a gratitude mobile the other day and it was nice to hear the boys take turns thinking of each gratitude.

happy birthday love
seven years ago we pushed
you stayed i did too

When we found out we were expecting again, it was shock immediately followed by joy and excitement. Still, because of my age and past miscarriages, we knew there were risks and that the next two months would be a matter of waiting and hoping. For these reasons, we chose only to tell immediate family, planning to announce to everyone else after our ultrasound. My first two checkups with the midwives went well and my bloodwork was great. Still, I felt something was not all right. We had our ultrasound yesterday, on our ninth weding anniversary, and rather than celebrating, we found out our baby had stopped developing a while ago.
It was very hard for Miles, especially, who could not wait to see his baby on the screen, only to learn our baby did not make it. He has taken it very hard. We are all very sad.
I have tried to be detached about everything, knowing the worst could happen and knowing why it could happen. Still, the lesson i have learned is this: that one could never truly be detached, one could never be ready to hear the worst, and that even though I know of all the logical reasons why this baby did not make it, I will ask myself “why??”. If I had fully embraced this experience, risks and all, would the positive energy have made the baby stay? Crazy, I know. But you think of the what if’s and what I could’ve done differently. This I know for sure, that this was a very wanted and loved baby. I was just afraid to face the love deeply knowing we could lose her/him. But, now I know trying to distance oneself does not help. It hurts just as much. The worst part is knowing the baby is gone, but I have not gone through the physical miscarriage yet. It will be an emotional and physically painful experience. Unlike giving birth, I will not have this baby to hold.
I know we are blessed with three wonderful children. But allow us to grieve for a while for the one who is not a part of us any longer. As soon as we came home, Miles went to the playroom and drew a picturw of our house, with our address number above, and stork carrying a baby. On the other side, he wrote “Baby please come back.”
Baby, please come back. We love you and always have.

Today, the Albany Judo Club hosted its 45th annual tournament, held at the Albany High gym. In spite of Miles having been in Japan all week and not practicing, he did really well for his second time on the mats. He did not place this time, but we could tell he learned a lot and tried some new, good moves.

More importantly, he made friends with the kids he competed against. I wanted to emphasize to him that just like he competes against his friends in judo class, he will meet the same kids in his age/skill range at these tournaments, and so he will become friends with these very same boys that he will be competing against. Instead of getting too nervous or serious about it all, he can have fun and remember that he’s competing against friends.

In his first match today, he did a perfect throw. I got so excited I whooped, and got scolded by my mother who felt sorry for the other boy. But, I made sure to congratulate all of the kids and encouraged Miles to talk with each of them, to get to know them, whether he won or lost. It was neat to see 6 and 7 year olds shaking hands, patting each other’s backs and talking with each other animatedly about judo before and after they competed against each other. While all of the clubs in the bay area are pretty good, there are some that emphasize the competition more than others. I’m really glad that Albany Judo Club emphasizes fun and friendship and learning skills over winning or even competing. It’s sometimes funny to see everyone warming up in the beginning. You’ll see a lot of the kids in other clubs sparring, running laps, their dads giving them some serious tips. Then, when you look over to our group, you’ll see the kids tumbling and wrestling Flora, their 16 year old sensei (who is a national champion). It doesn’t keep the kids in our club from winning though. Quite a few of the older ones are national champions, and the 1st and 2nd generation founders of the club were in the Olympics.

Matteo, who did not compete, was part of the opening ceremony/show. He was so cute rolling around and showing their judo skills. Then later in the day, he helped pass out the medals to all of the winners. He felt very shy giving them to the girls and later said, “I hope I don’t have to give these to any more girls…”

Teo handing out medals

Also, on another note, Miles and Christopher returned from Japan last Thursday. It has been SO nice to have them back. Both Teo and Niko really started to miss them towards the latter part of the trip. They have been playing with each other non-stop. We are so lucky the boys really enjoy each other. Miles had a great time on his first trip ever with only his Papa. It was a special treat for them both. And even better, he got to meet and spend time with his great grandfather, who turned 100. There was a huge celebration in the city because he was mayor for 20 years; and then they got to celebrate a special festival that happens only every 3 years. Miles got to help pull a float, see re-enactments of Samurais walking to Edo, and even played his fiddle for his great grandfather’s birthday.

Even though Teo really missed Miles, he was glad Miles went to Japan because upon his return, Miles gave him a “Hapi” coat which Teo now uses as part of his Samurai costume.

Teo the Samurai

Last night, from CQ:

“Hi honey,

Glad to hear everything OK. We are having fun here. This morning there was a cultural exchange which was really fun. They had teachers that showed members from Richmond how to do caligraphy, flower arranging, and japanese tea. Miles really enjoyed the caligraphy and was really good at it! After that, they had an exhibition of judo, karate and kendo (sword). Miles was fixated the whole time.

After the presentation, I introduced Miles to one of the judo players, and he took Miles onto the mat and sparred with him, and let him throw him. Everybody cheered – it was really funny. Also, all of the teenage girls LOVE Miles. They think he is so cute; they keep saying “Kawai desu ne, kawai desu ne!” Miles is his usual surly self, but he is starting to feel more comfortable. Right now, he is writing in his journal, and we will go to watch the Obi festival at the auditorium next door. It is raining really hard now, so many of the ceremonies will take place indoor.

We miss you guys very much. I hope that you are able to handle the 24/7 duty. I will try to call tomorrow; we woke up late this morning and had to rush out to make it to the exchange on time.

Love you lots and talk to you soon.”